Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
