Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
