So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
