My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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