Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
