Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
