and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
