the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
