My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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