Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
