Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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