dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
