I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
