can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
