and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think i have two assholes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
