Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
