Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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