Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
