Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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