I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
