never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
