You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
