Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
