..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
