even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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