dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
