So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
