the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
