when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
