Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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