If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
