You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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