I hate all girls vehemently.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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