i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
