Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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