she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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