I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
