I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
