Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
