I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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