how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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