im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
