Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
