got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
