New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
