pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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