Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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