I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
