I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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