apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
